#4 Love is Kind

Love is kind (chresteuetai): courteous, good, helpful, useful, giving, showing and showering favors. Love does not resent evil; it does not revel in the hurt and neglect. Love reaches out in kindness: in helpfulness, in giving, and in showering favors upon the person who neglects or hurts oneself.

Three well known stories from the ministry of Jesus speak to our subject today. The first is the occasion of a wedding in Cana of Galilee, found in John 2. A marriage was taking place, Mary, the mother of Jesus, was involved in the serving, and it becomes clear in the midst of that seven day event that there was going to be some embarrassed people very soon: they had run out wine.

Imagine this scene: The young girl slid to the front of the couch. “I didn’t even know about the problem until it was solved. No one told me. Someone told Jesus, though, and he took care of it. Not only did he produce more wine, he improved it!”

The young man moved up to the front of the couch with his wife. “Here is what impresses us.” As he spoke, she looked at him and nodded as if she knew what he was going to say. “This is his first miracle, right? His debut, and he uses it on us! To save us from looking like poor hosts.”

“He didn’t have to do that,” she jumped in. “Our town had sick people, poor people. Why, raising the dead would have made the headlines. But he used his premiere miracle on a social miscue. Wasn’t that kind of him?” She smiled. He smiled.

The next story is one of a businessman -- his name was Zacchaeus. A short fellow… well to do but likely had very few friends. Why? “Built this big house on the edge of town. But no one ever came to see me. Can’t say I blamed them. I paid for the place with money I’d skimmed off their taxes. No, no one ever visited me till the day Jesus came. ‘I’m coming to your house today,’ he announced.

Right there in the middle of town where all could hear. He didn’t have to do that, you know. But, no, he wanted to come to my house. And he wanted everyone to know where he was going. That was kind of him, don’t you think? Unbelievably kind.”

Later in the day a woman came by. Said she’d been sick for a dozen years. Long enough, she agreed, to run out of doctors, money, even hope.

But worst of all, she had run out of friends. “They were afraid of me,” she said. “Worried about catching the disease. I hadn’t been home in years. Been living in a shelter. But then Jesus came to town. He was on his way to treat the mayor’s daughter, who was dying. The crowd was thick, and people were pushing, but I was desperate.”

She spoke of following Jesus at a distance. Then she drew near and stepped back for fear of being recognized. She told of inching behind a broad-shouldered man and staying in his wake until, as she said, “There were only two people between him and me. I pressed my arm through the mob and reached for the hem of his jacket. Not to grab, just to touch it. And when I did, my body changed. Instantly. My face rushed with warmth. I could breathe deeply. My back seemed to straighten. I stopped, letting the people push past.

He stopped too. ‘Who touched me?’ he asked. I slid behind the big man again and said nothing. As he and the crowd waited, my heart pounded. From the healing? From fear? From both? I didn’t know. Then he asked again, ‘Who touched me?’ He didn’t sound angry—just curious. So I spoke up. My voice shook; so did my hands. The big man stepped away. Jesus stepped forward, and I told the whole story.”

I tried to imagine the moment. Everyone waiting as Jesus listened. The crowd waiting. The city leaders waiting. A girl was dying, people were pressing, disciples were questioning, but Jesus … Jesus was listening. Listening to the whole story. He didn’t have to. The healing would have been enough. Enough for her. Enough for the crowd. But not enough for him. Jesus wanted to do more than heal her body. He wanted to hear her story—all of it. The whole story. What a kind thing to do. The miracle restored her health. The kindness restored her dignity.

And what he did next, the woman never forgot. “As if he hadn’t done enough already”—her eyes began to water—“he called me ‘daughter.’ ‘Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace.’ I’ve been told he never used that word with anyone else. Just me.”¹

The kindness of Jesus. We are quick to think of his power, his passion, and his devotion. But those near him knew and know God comes cloaked in kindness. Kind enough to care about a faux pas. Kind enough to have lunch with a crook. Kind enough to bless a suffering sister.

Nehemiah agrees: “You are God, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, abundant in kindness” ( Neh. 9:17 nkjv ).

David agrees, “Your lovingkindness is better than life” ( Ps. 63:3 nasb ).

Paul speaks of “the kindness and love of God our Savior” ( Titus 3:4 niv ). He is exuberant as he announces: “Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it” ( Eph. 2:7–8 msg ).

If longsuffering (or patience) is the passive side of love, kindness is the active side. Kindness is: “… a word suggesting goodness as well as solicitousness. They are interested in true goodness, actively interested in the welfare of those about them. Obviously these people are doers; they do not claim good intentions but then plead helplessness because of weakness or apathy.”

Kindness is the opposite of “having a chip on one’s shoulder.”¹⁷⁷ A chip on one’s shoulder predisposes one to hostile action with only the slightest provocation. But kindness in one’s heart predisposes one to helpful action which only requires the hint of a need before it takes action. The “good Samaritan” did not need to be prodded into action nor did he seek to find a “way of escape” from his obligation as a neighbor. When he saw the man lying in the road in need, he willingly did all in his means to help (Luke 10:30-37).

A wise man declared: “That which makes a man to be desired is his kindness” (Prov. 19:22). Kindness includes attributes like friendliness, compassion, generosity, and tenderness. To be kind is to be God-like (Luke 6:35).

In a world that is saturated with harshness, a kind disposition is a refreshing breeze. There is many a woman who would trade a handsome husband for a kind one. Kindness would stifle the plague of child abuse. More kindness among brothers in the Lord would alleviate so much church trouble. The Scriptures demand that we be kind to each another (Eph. 4:32).

David is one of the most striking examples of kindness. He loves Jonathan, one of his closest friends. After Jonathan dies, David wishes to demonstrate his love toward his deceased friend. Since Jonathan is dead, the only way to show kindness to Jonathan is through his offspring. David is delighted when he is informed that Jonathan has a living heir. His surviving son, Mephibosheth, is crippled in both feet. In one sense, this is even better for David’s purposes, because this man’s handicap presents a need David can meet. By David’s decree, Mephibosheth would now eat regularly at the king’s table (2 Samuel 9). David’s love manifests itself in kindness, a predisposition to do good to others.

Kindness is characteristic of God and should thus characterize the Christian as well:

35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men (Luke 6:35).

4 Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? (Romans 2:4)

7 In order that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 2:7).

32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32).

4 But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, 5 He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 that being justified by His grace we might be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life (Titus 3:4-7).

24 And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged (2 Timothy 2:24).

8 To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit (1 Peter 3:8).

The Christian is commanded to be kind (Ephesians 4:32), and thus, failing to show kindness is disobedience. Kindness is also a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Paul reminds the Corinthians of the kindness which he manifested toward them even though they were unkind to him (see 1 Corinthians 4:6-21; 2 Corinthians 6:1-13). Kindness was surely lacking in the Corinthian church.

Kindness is not the spirit which produces strife and divisions in the church (chapters 1-3). It was not the response of many Corinthians toward Paul or the other true apostles (chapter 4). It surely was not kindness that caused the church to embrace a man living in sin (chapter 5). Neither is it kindness which compels two believers to square off with each other in a secular law court (chapter 6).

Kindness does not cause one spouse to withhold sex from the other (chapter 7). Kindness did not prompt one believer to assert his or her alleged rights to the detriment of another (chapter 8). It was not kindness that motivated some Corinthians to indulge themselves before their brethren arrive (chapter 11). Nor did kindness make one believer look down upon the gifts of another (chapter 12) or cause certain individuals to assert themselves in the church meeting for their own personal gain (chapter 14). When the Corinthian saints are described, kindness is not the first word which pops into one’s mind!

According to Paul, love is demonstrated by two general characteristics: (1) longsuffering in the face of adverse treatment by others and (2) kindness toward those who abuse us. Longsuffering endures ill treatment without responding in a retaliatory fashion, and kindness seeks to do good to those who delight to cause us harm. That is what love is like. Now, in the second half of verse 4 through verse 6, Paul lets us know what love is not like. If these characteristics exist in Corinth—or in our church—we need to confess our lack of love.

Just as patience will take anything from others, kindness will give anything to others, even to its enemies. Being kind is the counterpart of being patient. To be kind (chreôsteuomai) means to be useful, serving, and gracious. It is active goodwill. It not only feels generous, it is generous. It not only desires others’ welfare, but works for it.

When Jesus commanded His disciples, including us, to love their enemies, He did not simply mean to feel kindly about them but to be kind to them. “If anyone wants to sue you, and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. And whoever shall force you to go one mile, go with him two” (Matt. 5:40-41). The hard environment of an evil world gives love almost unlimited opportunity to exercise that sort of kindness.

Again God is the supreme model. “Do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” (Rom. 2:4), Paul reminds us.

To Titus he wrote, “But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior” (Titus 3:4-6).

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. ( Matt. 11:28–30 nkjv )

Farmers in ancient Israel used to train an inexperienced ox by yoking it to an experienced one with a wooden harness. The straps around the older animal were tightly drawn. He carried the load. But the yoke around the younger animal was loose. He walked alongside the more mature ox, but his burden was light. In this verse Jesus is saying, “I walk alongside you. We are yoked together. But I pull the weight and carry the burden.”

I wonder, how many burdens is Jesus carrying for us that we know nothing about? We’re aware of some. He carries our sin. He carries our shame. He carries our eternal debt. But are there others?

Has he lifted fears before we felt them? Has he carried our confusion so we wouldn’t have to? Those times when we have been surprised by our own sense of peace? Could it be that Jesus has lifted our anxiety onto his shoulders and placed a yoke of kindness on ours?

And how often do we thank him for his kindness? Not often enough. But does our ingratitude restrict his kindness? No. “Because he is kind even to people who are ungrateful and full of sin” ( Luke 6:35 ).

In the original language, the word for kindness carries an added idea the English word does not. Chiefly it refers to an act of grace. But it also refers to a deed or person who is “useful, serviceable, adapted to its purpose.”²

Kindness was even employed to describe food that was tasty as well as healthy. Sounds odd to our ears. “Hey, honey, what a great meal. The salad is especially kind tonight.”

But the usage makes sense. Isn’t kindness good and good for you? Pleasant and practical? Kindness not only says good morning, kindness makes the coffee. Again, doesn’t Jesus fit this description? He not only attended the wedding, he rescued it. He not only healed the woman, he honored her. He did more than call Zacchaeus by name; he entered his house.

Hasn’t he acted similarly with you? Hasn’t he helped you out of a few jams? Hasn’t he come into your house? And has there ever been a time when he was too busy to listen to your story? The Bible says, “Whoever is wise will observe these things, and they will understand the lovingkindness of the Lord ” ( Ps. 107:43 nkjv ). Hasn’t God been kind—pleasantly useful—to you? And since God has been so kind to you (you know what I am about to say), can’t you be kind to others?

Paul’s question is for all of us: “Do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” ( Rom. 2:4 nasb ).

Repentance from what? Certainly from ungodliness, rebellion, and sin. But can’t we equally state that God’s kindness leads to repentance from unkindness?

Some may think that all this talk of kindness sounds, well … it sounds a bit wimpy. Men in particular tend to value more dramatic virtues—courage, devotion, and visionary leadership. We attend seminars on strategizing and team building. But I can’t say I’ve ever attended or even heard of one lecture on kindness. Jesus, however, would take issue with our priorities. “Go and learn what this means,” he commands. “‘I want kindness more than I want animal sacrifices’” ( Matt. 9:13 ). Paul places kindness toward the top of the pyramid when he writes, “Love is kind” ( 1 Cor. 13:4 niv ).

How kind are you? What is your kindness quotient? When was the last time you did something kind for someone in your family—e.g., got a blanket, cleaned off the table, prepared the coffee—without being asked?

Think about your school or workplace. Which person is the most overlooked or avoided? A shy student? A grumpy employee? Maybe he doesn’t speak the language. Maybe she doesn’t fit in. Are you kind to this person?

Kind hearts are quietly kind. They let the car cut into traffic and the young mom with three kids move up in the checkout line. They pick up the neighbor’s trash can that rolled into the street. And they are especially kind at church. They understand that perhaps the neediest person they’ll meet all week is the one standing in the foyer or sitting on the row behind them in worship. Paul writes: “When we have the opportunity to help anyone, we should do it. But we should give special attention to those who are in the family of believers” ( Gal. 6:10 ).

And, here is a challenge—what about your enemies? How kind are you to those who want what you want or take what you have?

A friend of mine witnessed a humorous act of kindness at an auction. The purpose of the gathering was to raise money for a school. Someone had donated a purebred puppy that melted the heart and opened the checkbooks of many guests. Two in particular.

They sat on opposite sides of the banquet room, a man and a woman. As the bidding continued, these two surfaced as the most determined. Others dropped off, but not this duo. Back and forth they went until they’d one-upped the bid to several thousand dollars. This was no longer about a puppy. This was about victory. This was the Wimbledon finals, and neither player was backing off the net. (Don’t you know the school president was drooling?)

Finally the fellow gave in and didn’t return the bid. “Going once, going twice, going three times. Sold!” The place erupted, and the lady was presented with her tail-wagging trophy. Her face softened, then reddened. Maybe she’d forgotten where she was. Never intended to go twelve rounds at a formal dinner. Certainly never intended for the world to see her pit-bull side.

So you know what she did? As the applause subsided, she walked across the room and presented the puppy to the competition.

Suppose you did that with your competition. With your enemy. With the boss who fired you or the wife who left you. Suppose you surprised them with kindness? Not easy? No, it’s not. But mercy is the deepest gesture of kindness. Paul equates the two. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” ( Eph. 4:32 nkjv ).

Jesus said: Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you.… If you love only the people who love you, what praise should you get? … [L]ove your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without hoping to get anything back. Then you will have a great reward, and you will be children of the Most High God, because he is kind even to people who are ungrateful and full of sin. Show mercy, just as your Father shows mercy. ( Luke 6:27–28 , 32 , 35–36 )

Kindness at home. Kindness in public. Kindness at church and kindness with your enemies. Pretty well covers the gamut, don’t you think? Almost. Someone else needs your kindness. Who could that be? You.

Don’t we tend to be tough on ourselves? And rightly so. Like the young couple at the wedding, we don’t always plan ahead. Like Zacchaeus, we’ve cheated our share of friends. We’ve been self-serving. And like the woman with the illness, our world sometimes seems out of control.

But did Jesus scold the couple? No. Did he punish Zacchaeus? No. Was he hard on the woman? No. He is kind to the forgetful. He is kind to the greedy. He is kind to the sick.

And he is kind to us. And since he is so kind to us, can’t we be a little kinder to ourselves? Oh, but you don’t know me, Gary. You don’t know my faults and my thoughts. You don’t know the gripes I grumble and the complaints I mumble. No, I don’t, but he does. He knows everything about you, yet he doesn’t hold back his kindness toward you. Has he, knowing all your secrets, retracted one promise or reclaimed one gift?

No, he is kind to you. Why don’t you be kind to yourself? He forgives your faults. Why don’t you do the same? He thinks tomorrow is worth living. Why don’t you agree? He believes in you enough to call you his ambassador, his follower, even his child. Why not take his cue and believe in yourself?

Peter tells us that we should “long for the pure milk of the word” and thereby “grow in respect to salvation,” because we “have tasted the kindness of the Lord” (1 Pet. 2:2-3).

The first test of Christian kindness, and the test of every aspect of love, is the home. The Christian husband who acts like a Christian is kind to his wife and children. Christian brothers and sisters are kind to each other and to their parents.

They have more than kind feelings toward each other; they do kind, helpful things for each other—to the point of loving self-sacrifice, when necessary. For the Corinthians, kindness meant giving up their selfish, jealous, spiteful, and proud attitudes and adopting the spirit of loving-kindness.

Among other things, it would allow their spiritual gifts to be truly and effectively ministered in the Spirit, rather than superficially and unproductively counterfeited in the flesh.

Dear Ann Landers: I have a message for that 16-year-old boy who has a "21-year-old problem" -- his brother. My brother drowned three weeks ago. One minute he was alive and full of fun. The next minute he was gone, forever.

I never felt especially close to my brother. We fought and didn't agree on many things. But now I realize how much a part of my life he was. Sure, he got on my nerves, and I'd tell him to bug off. But now I remember all the favors he did that only a brother could.

I'm just trying to urge people to think about what their brothers and sisters mean to them and to express their appreciation. I hope they do it today because tomorrow may be too late. -- Miss Him a Lot

Dear Friend: I'm sure your letter will make millions of brothers and sisters think. Thanks for expressing those beautiful sentiments. ---Ann Landers, 8-24-92

Eighty percent of the problem patients that have come to me, come because good manners were never taught them as children. As adults, they made mistakes and were rejected. They couldn't play the game of life because they didn't know the rules. -- Dr. Smiley Blanton

Compassion lies at the heart of our prayer for our fellow human beings. When I pray for the world, I become the world; when I pray for the endless needs of the millions, my soul expands and wants to embrace them all and bring them into the presence of God. But in the midst of that experience I realize that compassion is not mine but God's gift to me. I cannot embrace the world, but God can. I cannot pray, but God can pray in me. When God became as we are, that is, when God allowed all of us to enter into the intimacy of the divine life, it became possible for us to share in God's infinite compassion.

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. -- George Washington Carver

A little girl one day went to her mother to show some fruit that had been given her. "Your friend," said the mother, "has been very kind."

"Yes," said the child. "She gave me more than these; but I have given some away."

She answered, "I gave them to a girl who pushes me off the path, and makes faces at me."

When asked why she gave them to her, she replied, "Because I thought it would make her know that I wish to be kind to her, and she will not, perhaps, be so rude and unkind to me again."

Speak kindly in the morning; it lightens the cares of the day, and makes the household and all other affairs move along more smoothly. Speak kindly at night, for it may be that before the dawn some loved one may finish his or her space of life, and it will be too late to ask forgiveness.

Speak kindly at all times; it encourages the downcast, cheers the sorrowing, and very likely awakens the erring to earnest resolve to do better, with strength to keep them. Kind words are balm to the soul. They oil the entire machinery of life, and keep it in good running order. -- Anonymous

Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Ian Maclaren (1850–1907)

Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can, As long as ever you can.

Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on; ’Twas not given for thee alone, Pass it on;

Let it travel down the years, Let it wipe another’s tears, ’Till in heaven the deed appears—Pass it on. Henry Burton (1840–1930)

He was so benevolent, so merciful a man that he would have held an umbrella over a duck in a shower of rain. Douglas William Jerrold (1803–1857)

I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness that I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again. Stephen Grellet (1773–1855)

Keep what is worth keeping— And with a breath of kindness Blow the rest away. Dinah Maria Mulock Craik (1826–1887)

Kind words are the music of the world. They have a power that seems to be beyond natural causes, as if they were some angel’s song that had lost its way and come on earth. It seems as if they could almost do what in reality God alone can do—soften the hard and angry hearts of men. No one was ever corrected by a sarcasm—crushed, perhaps, if the sarcasm was clever enough, but drawn nearer to God, never. Frederick William Faber (1814–1863)

Kind words toward those you daily meet, Kind words and actions right, Will make this life of ours most sweet, Turn darkness into light. Isaac Watts (1674–1748)

Kindness has converted more sinners than zeal, eloquence, or learning. Frederick William Faber (1814–1863)

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. Lao–tse (c. 604–c. 531 b.c.)

Kindness is a language the dumb can speak, the deaf can hear, and the blind can see.

Kindness is like a rose, which though easily crushed and fragile, yet speaks a language of silent power. Frances J. Roberts

Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things, in which smiles and kindness and small obligations win and preserve the heart. Humphrey Davy (1778–1829)

Life is mostly froth and bubble, Two things stand like stone— Kindness in another’s trouble,

Life is short and we have not too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark way with us. Oh, be swift to love! Make haste to be kind! Henri Frédéric Amiel (1821–1881)

Little drops of water, little grains of sand, Make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land.

Little deeds of kindness, little words of love, Help to make earth happy like the heaven above. Julia A. Fletcher Carney (1823–1908)

Make a rule and pray to God to help you to keep it, never, if possible, to lie down at night without being able to say: “I have made one human being at least a little wiser, or a little happier, or at least a little better this day.” Charles Kingsley (1819–1875)

The best portions of a good man’s life—His little, nameless, unremembered acts

The greatest thing a man can do for his heavenly Father is to be kind to some of his other children. Henry Drummond (1851–1897)

The heart benevolent and kind The most resembles God. Robert Burns (1759–1796)

The sun makes ice melt; kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.

There is a grace of kind listening, as well as a grace of kind speaking. Frederick William Faber (1814–1863)

This world is but the vestibule of eternity. Every good thought or deed touches a chord that vibrates in heaven.

What time is it? Time to do well, Time to live better, Give up that grudge, Answer that letter,

Speak the kind word To sweeten a sorrow, Do that kind deed You would leave ’till tomorrow.

Wise sayings often fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never thrown away. Arthur Helps (1813–1875)

You may be sorry that you spoke, sorry you stayed or went, Sorry you won or lost,

1 John 2:1–11 ; Luke 19:1–10 ; Mark 5:21–34 ; Matthew 9:22 nkjv.

2 Gerhard Kittel and Gerhard Friedrich, eds., Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, trans. Geoffrey W. Bromiley (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1971), 9:483.

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#5 Love is Kind